DISPENCE

Yup, that’s a weather guy with a parrot puppet.

After living in China for eight months, I didn’t think I could see much crazier TV. Well, I was wrong. I mean, that’s a weather guy with a parrot puppet!! Yes, he made it talk. But he wasn’t even a ventriloquist. He’d hold the bird in front of his mouth while he made a funny voice.

The One Caribbean Weather channel wasn’t all that bad. The on air guys were decent and the music was just great.

If a weather guy with a parrot puppet (!!) isn’t enough, every single local commercial had a catchy tune or song. Yes, every single one. A list:

– Manufactured homes – girls dancing around and singing
– Cell phone service provider Claro had a catch song “Pay me 5.”
– Mackerel in tomato sauce
– Digicel is the other cell phone company in Jamaica. “Your credit last longer!” everyone sang.
– Some random ad for something called “The five star treatment.” Yeah, I donno.

Then there was the good ol’ local sportscast during the evening news. The top story tonight? The local woman’s netball team won some big, important game! What’s netball you ask? Oh, it’s just seven-on-seven basketball except there’s no backboard – just a hoop on a stick.  Apparently, it’s common in all the commonwealth states or something like that. The weirdest part was how players shoot. They take the ball down court and then stop and just stand there. Then, as if the player is holding some marvelous orb of sport grandeur, everyone takes a step back and lets the player take her time and shoot the ball just so. As one might guess, most of the time the ball goes in.

After minutes and minutes of netball highlights (they were so exciting), next in the rundown was some hunter/jumber horseback riding action! Woo hoo!! My mom would have loved that. Some local team was trying to qualify for some big international event. That’s all cool except for the fact no one knew when or how they would actually qualify. No one interviewed or even the anchor could say for sure.

Some track and field highlights were next. There were some interviews. Everyone interviewed was holding the mic themselves. Now that’s a photog being pretty lazy. After years of intensive training at Newhouse it is clear to me there is no excuse for this. I mean, it’s not that hard to hold the mic yourself and still get good sound and picture.

So Jamaica was fun. Hopefully the Mojo6 will be back next year!

Hole 5. It was windy.

I was in Jamaica working on what will become the broadcast of the Mojo6. It’s a tournament of what’s called raceway golf – six holes of match play for points and then a top-8 bracket to determine a winner.

Everything shot last week will be edited down to two one-hour shows on CBS May 1 and 2.

All the equipment had to be sent in from the States. But instead of sending a whole truck, everything came in boxes.

Bexel boxes full of equipment.

We built an interview set inside an old aqueduct. It was built in 1761 and was used to grind sugar when the course was a plantation.

Interview set in aqueduct.

Notice the microphone hip pack on Mariah Stackhouse there. All the players were mic-ed up the entire time. That'll be interesting to hear once the show airs.

Notice the microphone hip back on Mariah Stackhouse there. All the players were mic-ed up the entire time. That’ll be interesting to hear once the show airs.

Windy shoot with the jib.

The steady cam got some sick shots, including shooting talent stand-ups.

On Monday work duties took me to the airport, a one-room school atop a mountain, a ship wreck, a house haunted by a woman who killed her several husbands and the Hip Strip.

I was accompanying a handheld cameraman named Bill. We were assigned to get footage of athletes arriving in the airport and other “flavor” to add to the broadcast. That means bump shots like you’d see before or after a commercial break often with sponsor logos and voice over.

While driving I noticed there was a knife wedged between the dashboard and window frame. Jammed just so the driver could reach it in a moments notice. I pointed it out to Anthony, our driver. He told us it’s actually illegal to drive with a knife, you have to keep it in the trunk. I guess he was pulled over or something because he recalled a court appearance where he insisted to the judge that the knife was there in case of an emergency where he might have to cut himself out of his seat belt.  Bill suggested Anthony might want to buy one of the SkyMall institution window smasher seat belt cutter things.  Then I said it was sure in easy reach should someone come smashing through the window. That was the end of that conversation.

After the airport (we were told to stop filming after we shot everything we needed… phew!) we headed to the top of Mt. Zion. Anthony drove with precision up a pot hole filled gravel road. At the top there was a small village of sorts. A few shanty homes and a church. We hopped out to get some shots of the golf course from up above. There were goats wandering around. Anthony led us about and the fellows living there let me sample some naseberry. One guy was up in a giant tree. He’d shake the branches and down the naseberry would fall. Cracking open the soft fruit was easy. I scraped out the delicious meat inside.

There is a private school nearby. Young boys are dressed in school uniforms that UPS would be proud to call their own. Several were playing kick the can (plastic bottle). They were excited to see us with a camera. (not my camera though! I have some grainy blackberry pics I’ll post later…)

After lunch we set out for a shipwreck just east of here. It was nothing special save for the fact that there is a decent sized boat just chilling 50 meters off shore.

The White House is a Great House. No, it’s called The White House and it is classified as a Great House. Apparently, there are only so many Great Houses in the Caribbean and 15 on the island of Jamaica. This particular one was the site of one nasty wife. She killed her several white husbands and slave lovers. Eventually, legend says, one slave lover killer her and her soul still haunts the house. Her tomb is nearby adjacent to a babbling stream running atop a man-made stone bed.

The Hip Strip is Montego Bay’s downtown area. I didn’t see any clubs where we went but there were plenty of little stand selling all sorts of Jamaican souvenirs such as hats, bags, carvings and t-shirts. I was scouting out a back alley and was immediately invited to check out this special merchandise. Instead of the lowly traveler, I could earnestly say I was working for TV, the Golf Tournament, that everyone knows about. Some were excited about the prospect of a TV camera coming down their alley.

Jamaicans are super friendly. That means at every opportunity they will simply say hi. Of course, I have to say hi back to everyone and if the conversation goes anywhere when it’s time to leave they give a fist pound. “Respect, mon.”  Yeah! Respect!

Monday night there was a party for all the athletes and associates. I sampled some “sipping rum,” not to be shot or mixed! Appelton was not bad.

I flew to Montego Bay, Jamaica today.  I’m here for a new LPGA event called the Mojo6. I’ll be working as a production assistant for CBS Sports.

On the plane (JetBlue) the TVs had an ad for the event! The organizers said JetBlue was a partner, but it was still cool to see a slide advertising where I was headed.

The Mojo6 ad on JetBlue flight

It was pretty cool arriving. I was picked up, along with a guy working for the event management group putting on the event, by a nice lady holding a sign for us. I zipped right through customs, proudly proclaiming that yes, indeed, I was working for the LPGA event this week. I did have to explain to one nice lad that no, I wasn’t actually golfing, only working. (He did greet me with “Welcome to Jamaica, Mon!” which has got to be the mother of all cliches but it was still awesome.)

The bus ride from the airport to the hotel was uneventful save for the fact that I’m sure the bus was from China. There were Chinese characters on a sticker above the wind shield and by every label numbering the isles and seats there were characters too. I knew something was fishy as soon as I stepped on board. The seat backs were covered with the same logo/sponsor clad covers as bus seats I’d seen countless times while in China.

To make things even more interesting, as our bus driver proudly pointed out every big resort construction site we passed on the way to our hotel, we passed one building zone the driver said nothing about.

There was a six or seven story skeleton of a building clad with bright red banners with white Chinese Characters. Over the entrance to the site a similar banner spanned the drive. The Chinese must really be everywhere. The construction site reminded me of the ones I saw in Beijing. The green netting, sketchy scaffolding and general disarray and unkeptness that is a Chinese construction site was striking.

The hotel (resort) I’m staying at is first class. My all inclusive setup means I have full access to almost everything. I don’t have to be at work until tomorrow morning so I hit the outdoor restaurant (one of two) beach, ocean, pool and of course the bar (both swim and walk up). Perhaps the best part of the place are the water slides (yes, I’m seven years old). One is pretty decent and you have to ride an intertube down it. The second is a series of short slides going between hot tubes. Yeah, it’s awesome. Someone please remind me how I got into this business?